A year or so ago
by FanaticFaberrittanaFanfiction
Summary: When she comes to visit you, you never turn her away. What else can you do? Nothing but accept the fact that this...this your life.


AN: More depressing angst. Someone stop me.

0000

You wake up to the sound of music and the sound of people yelling outside. So you get out of bed and pull on basketball shorts over your boy shorts and step out on your balcony leaning on the railing. You hear some people holler about you being in a sports bra but you say nothing back or make no move to go back and change. The song is what drew you outside, you have gotten use to the fans standing outside. But you know most of them do not belong to you. They belong to the tiny brunette walking down the sidewalk, filming a new scene for her movie. It's the fourth one she's filmed in New York, and the second one set near your home. She never visits. Never. But you always watch from a distance. You cock your head to the side as she twirls around and stops looking up at you. You stand up straight and listen to the director yell cut. She's missed her cue, but she's still standing there watching you. You walk back inside. You need to get ready.

When the hot water hits your body the tears stream down your face again. You like to shower in the dark with the water as hot as you can stand it. You can blame the steam if anyone ever ask about your eyes, but they never do because you wear sunglasses. After showering you go to get ready, it's another long day. Not really. You're just a young hot shot writer with an amazing fan base because your best friends are in the top selling girl group in the world. "The Troubletones" are pretty much the reason anyone even knows who you are. At least on this scale. You can hear cut being yelled again as you stand in the mirror. Maybe they'll be filming when you leave.

You step outside staring at the fans, smiling and waving. Stop for a few pictures before heading down the sidewalk. You don't see the need for security, no one wants to hurt you. No one cold. Not if they tried. You would bash their face in. Not that big of a secret after that one fan got a little rough with the tiny brunette across the street. It's amazing that you can hear her over the sounds of New York, her laugh and loud opinions.

"Quinn?!"

Great, now you're hearing things. You keep walking, ducking into the antique book store you own and sit behind the counter. It's mostly your private library, you like to write as much as possible, surrounded by the words of Poe and Fitzgerald.

"Why do you walk so fucking fast?"

You jump and look at Rachel, she's staring at you in annoyance as she locks the door, like it's still the same, and draws the curtains sitting on the counter.

"What are you do here Rachel?"

"Filming."

"No, in here. Why are you in here?"

Rachel looks at you, "I've missed you so much."

"It's been a year Rachel."

And it has. A year since the reason she comes to see you. A year since you hated yourself for letting it happen again. A year since you curled up in a ball and cried for days listening to sad music like the former gleek you are.

"It's just been..."

"Crazy, yeah I know."

She slides off the counter and walks up behind you rubbing your shoulders and kisses the nape of your neck.

"But I want to show you how much I missed you."

"Rachel..."

"Don't you want me?"

You don't say a word as you stand up and she follows you to the stairs up to the mattress on the floor, some times you like to live like a starving artist, and she's already undressing and you follow suit. What else can you do?

0000

When you fuck it's always driven by passion and desire. The only love here is from you. You want to make love to her but she wants to be fucked. So you fuck her like your life depends on it. You slam your silicon extension into her and try to not look at her but she looks at you. So you lean down and kiss her, you haven't for a year and every time it feels like she loves you back. Though it's all about wishing.

"I love you." You only say it when she's sleep.

0000

When you wake up she's gone, like always. So you go back to your apartment and sitting in the living room and listen to the sound of watching dripping into the sink from the leaky faucet. You listen to the cars outside, speeding around the streets. You listen to voices outside. And you listen to a knocking on your door. You don't move until the door is opened. Only one person has a key. She walks over and gets on the couch you with and you drop your head in her lap. She plays with your hair.

Rachel never comes to visit you at your apartment. So it's surprising that she's actually here. You hold her because you need her. You still need someone, anyone, to love you. And you can pretend that she loves you back for a little while.

Just a little while longer.

00000

A year later

You're 25 now and you just published a new book. It's a best seller and your last book is being turned into a movie. You get to sit in on the auditions and watch your characters come to life. When the door opens and a tiny brunette walks in you just stare at her and she stares back.

"Rachel Berry, wonderful. Quinn is gonna read the lines with you."

"Great."

She sits down you look at the script in your hand exhaling.

"Luce, are you there?"

You look up, she's reading the script, "I'm always here."

The story is called, 'A year or so', about two girls. One is in love and the other is not. And right now they're speaking on the phone.

"Did you hear me? Trav wants to marry me."

"I heard you."

"What do you think?"

"I think you're stupid. Blind. And down right idiotic."

She blinks, like she's about to cry, "You're my best friend."

"I don't want to be your friend."

"Why not? It's not..." Rachel reads the next lines, "over..."

"Yes it is! You're so frustrating. I'm done waiting for you Lea, done!"

You stop read as she stares at you turning the page. Her eyes have welled up as she continues to read like she's trying to take it all in. The girls have so many similarities to us. They have bathroom moments, fights in the hall, and long intense moments of eye contact. The difference here is, Luce and Lea runaway together. And I, I just run away.

0000

When you wake up the next morning you walk outside and stand on your balcony, drinking from the coffee cup. You push your hair back smiling at the fans below as your eyes drift across the street and there she is. Just talking on the phone in front your building. You look at her and she looks at you. She starts to smile and you turn away from her going back in side. She'll be waiting at the store soon.


End file.
